From my kitchen windowI’ve taught dozens of life story writing and family history writing courses and workshops, and in every one, someone has announced that in doing the research, even superficial research, into their background, they’ve stumbled on at least one family secret.
Can you guess the most frequently concealed or distorted information?
It’s that a father or grandfather had two families, usually, but not always, unknown to one another. Sometimes the families resided fairly far from one another. More often than you’d think, the families lived within walking distance of one another. The mothers and even neighbors might have known about the other family, but the children went to school together, unaware that some of their classmates were half-siblings.
Probably the second most common secret students have discovered has to do with their family’s religion or ethnicity. To assimilate into American culture, some immigrants suppressed their Jewish heritage. Other immigrants told their children that they were of a nationality different from their real one, which might have been seen as undesirable. And even within this country, many African Americans have “passed” for white. They still do.
The third most common secret I’ve come across among my students has to do with money. In one case, after a father died, $60,000 was accidentally found in a curtain rod.
Secrets in My Own Family
In my family, information related to money on my mother’s side of the family was vigorously guarded. After my mother died, my brother and I went looking for the inheritance due my siblings and me.
But imagine my shock when I discovered things about my father’s family and money that had been concealed from me all my life.
How Are You Affected by Such Discoveries?
When you discover a closely held family secret, what is its impact on your view of your family? Does it affect your idea of yourself?
Please leave comment if you’ve ever come across information that conflicted with what your family had told you about themselves and you.
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I really enjoy what you write. And appreciate it. I’ve had a myriad of things interrupt my writing over the past 10 years, but I’m close to concluding a family history/memoir, when I do, I will probably be sending you my manuscript or at least a portion of it for some guidance. I had never written prior to beginning this project that has much to do with my parents political activist stance during the depression and particularly my mothers activist activities that resulted in our small North Idaho town turning I will probably be sending you my manuscript or at least a portion of it for some guidance. I had never written prior to beginning this project that has much to do with my parents political activist stance during the depression and particularly my mothers activist activities that resulted in our small north Idaho town turning from what she called a cultural desert to what is now an arts and cultural town very well-known for a 50 year successful art festival that was her dream. Thank you for your continuous encouragement and ideas. Thank you for your continuous helpful encouragement.
Hi Nadine: Thank you for your comment. It’s wonderful and important that you are documenting your parents’ activities—particularly your mother’s work to get your area an arts festival! I absolutely love those and attend them whenever any are held in my part of the world or near any place I travel. This is important historical work that you’re doing and I’d be glad to take a look at it when you feel ready for professional guidance.
In the meantime, if there are topics you’d like me to cover in this blog that might help you with your project, just let me know.